The Four Phases of Relationship Breakdown

Duck's model shows that relationship breakdown follows a predictable pattern with four distinct phases. Each phase represents a threshold point where someone's view of the relationship shifts, usually making things worse.

The intrapsychic phase is where it all starts - one person becomes privately unhappy but keeps it to themselves. They're basically having internal arguments, weighing up whether their partner is worth the hassle and focusing on all the annoying things they do. This is the "stewing in silence" stage where they might confide in a close mate.

Next comes the dyadic phase, where the gloves come off and couples start having proper rows about their problems. Both partners are now involved, arguing constantly and working out how much it would cost them (emotionally and practically) to actually split up. This is where most breakups actually happen.

💡 Remember: The actual breakup typically occurs between the dyadic and social phases, not at the very end of the process.

When Breakups Go Public and Duck's Limitations

The social phase is when everyone finds out - mates, family, social media, the lot. Partners start picking sides and seeking support from their networks. Some friends try to fix things, others make it worse, and suddenly there are practical issues like who gets the flat and who keeps the dog.

Finally, the grave-dressing phase is about moving on and creating a story that makes you look good. Everyone spends ages slagging off their ex to anyone who'll listen, making sure people know they were the victim in all this.

However, Duck's model has some serious weaknesses. It's probably too simple - researchers had to add a fifth "resurrection phase" later, and people don't always move through the stages in order. You can jump backwards or get stuck.

The model also doesn't explain why relationships break down, just how. The fatal attraction hypothesis suggests we often break up because of the very things that attracted us initially - like that funny person who never takes anything seriously.

💡 Key Strength: The model is brilliant for relationship counselling because it suggests different repair strategies work better at different phases.